Undercover
by TheGodmother2
Summary: Prequel -Of Children and Travelers.
1. Chapter 1

_**Written from Walt's perspective. Predicting what will happen in episode two, "Of Children and Travelers", and what I would love to see.**_

Undercover! I never had a need to go undercover because everyone knows me. I laugh to myself. I don't want to do this but with Branch in the hospital I am the only viable option. The Ferg, flat out refused to partner with Vic saying no one would believe that he and Vic are, in fact, were a couple. He's got a point so, tag I'm it.

Vic is pissed because Ferg and I sorta fought about it neither one of us wanting to do it. I can't blame her but it's the inconvenience of being undercover more than partnering with her. She protests but not too much. She's a little cute when she's mad.

Obviously, we can't go undercover in a Sheriff's truck. Vic offered up Sean's truck since he is still out of town. I hurry and put a small overnight bag together and wait at my cabin for Vic to pick me up. I wait on the porch as the sun begins it's slow and reluctant journey to the other side of the earth. The red hues make the sky look a bit angry. I hear ya sky I hear ya. I'm not too happy about this either. Pretending to be married to Vic is a role I am not comfortable playing because I am afraid I will be comfortable doing it. I am anxious.

The headlights from the Dually crack the skyline as Vic approaches my cabin. I stand-up, grab my small duffle and walk over to the passenger side as Vic hops out of the truck. "Hey, Walt." She smiles as she throws me the keys. ""Were supposed to be married, right? That means you're driving bub." She starts laughing out loud and jumps in the passenger seat. "Hey don't stand there with your dick in your hands. Let's go."

I walk over to the driver's side thinking she is having too much fun with this. I pull myself into the cab of the truck, open the blow plugs, wiat for the red light and start the heavy duty diesel. My left hand is on the streering wheel and I look over at Vic who is smiling with her Ropers up on the dash.

"I'm just messing with you, Walt because if I don't I'm going to freak out a bit. This whole thing isn't sitting to well with Sean." I sit in silence just listening to her and starting to feel like an ass because I never thought of how Sean would feel. I am just wrapped up in my own anxiety because I like this woman. I want to spend time with her. She is a constant surprise. Like now, this vulnerability, is something she only shows me. No one else gets the privilege. It's quiet in the cab of the truck and I have to admit to myself that I hate being in another man's truck pretending to be married to his woman. A singe of jealousy permeates my brain but I don't have a right to be jealous.

Vic cracks the silence is a soft voice, "You ready to be Mr. Moretti?"

I laugh, a full laugh, which she delights in. "That will be the day."

Vic punches my arm like an old pal, "Glad I made you laugh." As pull out to head to the road, Vic says, "Walt, you're supposed to be my husband right?"

I just look over at her.

"Where's your wedding ring? Did you wear one with Martha."

"Yeah. Yeah I did."

There was just the sound of the Cummins diesel as we made our way down the highway. A million thoughts are pulsing through my mind about wearing a ring. This is undercover work so yeah I should wear one but it took me a year just to take my ring off of my finger after Martha's murder. There's no way I'm going to put it on and pretend with Vic. I will never disrespect my wife. I was true in life and I will be true in her death.

"Vic"….I trail…searching for words. I rub my unshaven jaw

"Walt, listen, I don't want to be weird or anything. I may not have the world's best marriage but I'm not a total bitch you know. I went by Sarah's thrift store and bought a cheapie set of rings. I guessed your ring size. What are you a 10? "She thrust the plastic bag from Sarah's toward me. She put on a cheap gold colored plain band on her left ring finger. She flipped on the dome light and looked at the ring and waved all 5 of her fingers at me and I was kinda glad she didn't wave at me like Mathias.

I opened the bag and took out the ring. I paused and glanced over at Vic and slid the ring on. It fit over my cracked knuckles and fit perfectly on my left hand. I put the bag between us and we didn't utter a word for the next 10 miles. She broke the silence first.

"I don't want work to ruin our friendship. I mean we are undercover for a reason, right, so let's just get these motherfuckers."

"k"

She is right, of course. I'm off balance and I know she senses it. Deep down inside, in the part I never let anyone see or know about, I want these rings to be real. I want her to be mine.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Vic's perspective_**

I hope we aren't chasing our tails with these Russians. I so wanna get these fuckers. We both are quiet on the ride to the park. I check my Glock and make sure it is concealed properly. Walt has his Colt where he always carries it on his right hip with a soft holster. He's so skinny you can't tell he's packin' with his baggy jacket on so he's good to go. I notice he keeps spinning the ring on his finger by moving his pinkie and middle finger in unison. I bet he doesn't know he's doing it and I feel like an asshole for buying the rings in the first place. I feel like an asshole because part of me, more that I want to admit, wants to know what it feels like to be his even if it's for a few hours in a made up fantasy fucked up police operation.

We aren't ever going to talk about all that shit that happened at the bar or the motel. I know he felt it and I know that if he had given me one chance I would have betrayed my husband. I also know, looking over at this very serious man that I have to see my husband. I have to leave Wyoming. I need to get away from Walt because I am not thinking. I am not on point and being cloudy and distracted can get me killed out in the field.

Impulsively, I blurt out, "Hey, Walt when all this quiets down I will need to take a few days off maybe even a week."

He looks over at me with a curious frown, "Everything ok?"

"No, not really."

"k, you want to tell me about it?"

"Not really"

"Is it this Gorski character?"

"No, not exclusively. Listen I just need some time ok"

"ok, Vic."

I can feel it pass between us, the quiet reassurance, knowing without saying.

When we pull up to the park to meet the Gunthers I hop out of the truck as soon as he slides it into gear. It's time to put my game face on and go to work. I put my arm in his, "Sell it" I whisper and I see the corners of his mouth peak ever so slightly, happy at the thought of being mine. It feels good being his if only for a moment. It feels so good that I don't want to ask forgiveness or permission. I just want this to be.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Vic's perspective continued_**

"Mm this feels good." I think to myself as the hot water beats on my weary back and neck. "This is one of life's most underrated pleasures, a hot shower." My mind, for the first time in weeks, begins to relax as my body unwinds from the drama of my emotions. I don't know which one is more shocking? Branch being shot or learning the truth about Martha? What kind of man could hold a secret like that and especially for so long? It didn't slip by me that he quickly qualified that he wasn't the one to kill Miller Beck. Why, did he offer that up? What happened in that bar? The way he looked at me when I drank his beer. His eyes passed a whole lifetime to me. How can he speak to my heart without saying a word? Nothing makes sense anymore. He weakens me and it scares the shit out of me because I like the way it makes me feel. He doesn't judge me and his desire to protect me is purposeful in its strength. I'm in trouble because I love my husband but Walt occupies my thoughts.

"Hey, babe," Sean shouts through the house.

"In here."

"Hey."

"Hey." Sean starts to unbutton his shirt and strips away his Wranglers. He surprises Vic by stepping into the shower with her.

"We haven't done this in a long time."

"I know, turn around so I can scrub your back." Sean complies as Vic soaps up his back.

Vic gently runs the lather through her hands as they stay in circular sync, and begins to wonder where those scars on Walt's back came from? I mean what the hell is with this man? Why can't I shake him loose?"

Sean turns to face Vic fully intent on taking advantage of their rare time together. Vic's hands land on Sean's silky smooth bare chest and she instantly thinks of how different the two men are physically. Sean leans down and kisses Vic's neck and moves up to her ear. He holds her tighter but stops and looks into Vic's golden brown eyes. Vic pauses.

"Vic, you are a million miles away. What's going on, babe?"

"I'm just tired, Sean."

"You work too much. I told you I don't like all the hours you put in that Podunk department, fuck."

"Sean, what the hell. It's my fuckin' job. What do you expect? I've been a cop since I met you. This should come as no surprise to you."

Sean swung the shower curtain open, stepping out of the shower, and grabbed the towel wrapping it around his waist.


	4. Chapter 4

I step out of the shower behind him and take his arm gently. "Sean, baby, I don't want to fight. I am really tired, seriously. All that is going on with Branch and Henry. All the cases we are working. I am exhausted"

I didn't dare mention Walt because it would start round two of tempers flaring but Walt is at the forefront of my mind and my heart. I love my husband and I know I love Walt but I am not sure what kind of love it is.

Sean turns and faces me and I can see the frustration on his face. "Babe, I don't want to fight either but I know I can't go on like this. I never thought we would end up like this, you know. "

I covered myself with my towel and put on my robe that had been hanging on the door.

"Yeah, I know."

"Vic, I don't like leaving you here by yourself when I have to go on my business trips and I hate it now that Ed Gorski has come back out of thin air. I am scared for you but I know you can protect yourself. We always have been apart because of my job and you know it's never been easy for me to be married to a cop. We have a lot to talk about."

I sit and listen to Sean. Just being still for a moment and relaxing into myself, I face my greatest truth about the division in my heart. I want to be safe, protected and loved. I need that, no crave, all of those at once. How can I separate myself like this?

Sean leans over and kisses me very gently on the lips.

"Let's go away for a couple of days. Maybe getting away from all of this will do us some good."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Let's just drive, Sean. I need to get away and spend some time with you. No distractions, ok?"

"I have a week before I go back out so let's do it. You want to go now?"

"Let me call work. The timing isn't good but we need this."

I grab my cell out of my war bag and call the office. Walt, needs a cell phone I think to myself, this shit is ridiculous. Ruby answers and transfers me to Walt.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"Um, those days off I asked about. I need to sorta take those now."

"Ok."

There is that penetrable silence between us and at that moment I realize that I want him to protest but I know he won't.

Walt breaks the silence, "See you next week?"

I bite my lip sort of unsure but I reply, "Yeah, see you next week. Hey Walt, thank you."

"Yup"

He hangs up first and I feel like shit. I am walking away from him when he needs me most but I need this time with Sean more. I feel more divided than ever because it is very clear to me that I love two men and this ain't Utah and I ain't a man so this shit ain't never gonna work.


	5. Chapter 5

_Where we left off in Chapter 1 - Walt_

_"I don't want work to ruin our friendship. I mean we are undercover for a reason, right, so let's just get these motherfuckers."_

_"k"_

_She is right, of course. I'm off balance and I know she senses it. Deep down inside, in the part I never let anyone see or know about, I want these rings to be real. I want her to be mine._

* * *

I hang up the phone and smack my teeth ever so slightly. I look around my disheveled office get up, grab my hat and place it precisely on my dome, throw on my coat and head toward the front door.

"Ruby, I'll be back."

"When?"

"Don't know."

"Is Vic coming in?"

"No"

"When is she coming back? Who's covering your shift?

"I don't know the answer to either one of those but get the Ferg on the phone and have Branch back him up from the office. He's still light duty so he can answer the phones."

"Walt"

"Bye, Ruby"

"Walt!"

I stop and turn around. "Walter" she says as she closes the distance between us. "Please take care of yourself."

I lean down and kiss her softly on the forehead. "I will, promise."

I head out, not looking back, jump in the Bullet and head home. My house is as disheveled as my office. I sigh and grab my camping gear. By instincts, I knew I had to get away. Like, Vic, I know I need to leave. I need to escape. I head to the Red Pony and check in with Henry. I miss my best friend. It is hard for me to face him because of the disappointment I feel in myself for failing him.

"Walt, how are you this fine day?"

"Fine. Hey, I'm gonna head out for a day or so and camp. I was hoping I could just buy some quick supplies from you instead of going back to town."

"That, bad?"

I look at my best friend and purse my lips just a tad acknowledging his observations.

"Follow me. I will pack your food supplies for you."

I am thankful that Henry does not question me as he packs up for me. I tell him where I am headed and pay him for the food.

"Walter, whatever it is, if you remember to be true to your spirit and your heart you will find your way through to the other side."

I stand in the doorway and nod my head in agreement. I take off in the Bullet desperate to get to my favorite camping spot. I pack up my gear on my back and head out. As I ascend the mountain and begin to put distance between myself and the local civilization I know I am on the right path. I feel my truest self here at one with the earth. At one with the dirt beneath my feet, open sky above me and no two-legged animals to confuse or undermine me.

Here, I can allow my mind to relax and my guard to fall completely. Henry's words roll around and around in my head, "Be true to your spirit and your heart and you will find your way through to the other side."

As the sun sets, my campfire is made, and I bed down covered by a blanket of blackness. The glistening unpolluted stars envelop me as I exhale the uncertainty from within. I know I can't move forward until I resolve Martha's murder. My world is still off-balance because of my failure to protect her. Just as I had to sacrifice to reset my world for Cady I cannot move forward until my world is reset for Martha.

I know that I am enamored with Vic. I know that I must separate myself from her. She belongs to another man. It's as simple as that really. I have allowed myself to be weak and to feel things for her I shouldn't. The space in my heart is for her. I know it is and it doesn't have to be empty it just can't be acted upon. My need to protect her is overwhelming. My need to love her is overwhelming just as my need to see her happy. My actions have propelled us both off-center. It's my fault. I have driven doubt in her marriage and it is wrong. Just as I know being with Lizzie was wrong, on every level, I know how much I want to be with Victoria and it too is wrong except for the fact that I am desperately in love with her.

I take out the wedding ring that Vic bought for our undercover excursion with the Russians. I put it on my left ring finger because I find comfort in the security of marriage and only on this night, alone with the world as I come to terms with the sacrifice I must make, I can allow myself the comfort of loving Vic. Allowing my heart to imagine being her husband and fulfilling my promises of keeping her happy, safe and loved.

My sacrifice is my love. I have to set the world straight again for all of us. Tomorrow I will figure out how to walk away from her but tonight only my heart will be my guide.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Vic's perspective_**

"I made us appointments for the day spa they had a couple's deal but I'm telling you now I'm not letting some dude give me a massage. I figure it's a nice perk for staying in such a nice hotel for a few days."

I laugh aloud at Sean nodding my head in agreement. "You are too funny, babe."

I begin to relax as the masseuse works her magic on my back and neck. I begin to drift asleep on the massage table and admit that I have to talk to Sean about all that is going on with me. I know I have a choice to make and part of that choice means I have to be honest with my husband.

"Hey babe how about a nice bottle of wine after these massages?"

"You are on."

We make it back to the room and after my second glass of wine, I begin to relax enough to come out with it.

"Sean, I need to talk to you about what's been going on with me. " Sean leans forward with his hands between his knees and looks down at his glass of wine.

"ok. I know something's wrong"

"I need to begin by telling you that I love you. I haven't cheated on you but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it."

"What, with who?"

"That doesn't matter."

"Yeah it does, Vic. It does matter. Besides I already know it's that fuckin' Sheriff. I can tell by the way he looks at you when he doesn't think anyone is watching."

"Sean, listen. I think what I'm trying to explain is stuff I should have explained to you years ago but I am just now figuring out myself. It's the closeness I have with these guys that I can't compare with our relationship."

"You mean this has happened before. You wanting to fuck some other dude."

"No, Sean. No, listen to me."

"Out there, with them, they depend on me for their lives. We go through shit that's not normal, Sean. We go to battle together. We go to war and I'm a warrior right along side them. Sean, when you shed blood together and trust each other there is this bonding…I don't know…how to say it…there is this closeness that you and I will never have."

"Thanks a lot, Victoria. How am I supposed to feel here?"

"It's a different kind of intimacy..is what I am sayin'. I chose you, Sean. I chose you and nobody else. I still choose you but I want us to be open with each other and I can't do that without talking about this."

"So why does this make you want to sleep with him? I mean I don't get it, Vic. Walt doesn't exactly strike me as your type"

"He's not, Sean. Not physically anyway but it's like he sees me in a way I want you to see me. I don't want to sleep with him and ruin what we have. This is hard, babe. I'm not cheating on you."

I know Sean does not understand this because I barely understand what is going on with me. He gets up to look out of the hotel window. He studies the view and finally adds, "I'm trying real hard to understand how I'm going to leave for work and all the while worry you and old Walt aren't rolling around while I'm gone."

"Because if we were it would have happened already. It's not going to happen Sean. That's why we are having this conversation. "

Sean takes his eyes from me and looks back out of the window.

"It's like Walt and I speak the same language and that will always be there with us and there's nothing that can change it. If I had a fly in my pants instead of a zipper we would be the best of friends. Compadres you know but it's complicated because I'm not a man. I think those same feelings of trust and love get twisted around because I'm a woman."

Sean peers at my eyes and walks over to me kneeling at my feet. He parts my knees and slides between them wrapping his arms around my waist. He looks up at me and gently strokes my hair behind my ear.

"Baby, I want us to work. I want you to be honest with me. I do trust you because you could have had any guy in Philly but you picked me."

"Well, I don't know about any guy." I smile at Sean.

He smiles back, "I don't know how I feel about this, yet. I'm trying to understand it."

"I'm trying to understand it too, Sean."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes. Yes, I do but it's a different kind of love. It's not like anything we have or I have had before."

"ok. I guess."

"I'm with you, Sean No one else."

Sean lays his head gently on my breasts and I fold my arms around him laying my chin on his head. I know I am making the right choices. I do love my husband and the love that I feel for Walt is like nothing else I have ever felt or will feel again. We are connected in a way that can never be described. I will live with that connection and that love but I will never act on it because I will never hurt my husband and I know Walt would never allow it. Our timing in this lifetime just isn't right but I promise to treasure the moments I have, the moments that are only for me, because I will love him even after I drawn my last breath.


End file.
